Why Adopt: Part #2

As I was growing up, I expressed often my desire to adopt. I was always interested in the adoption stories, or the stories of birth parents and their children being reunited. I also had a tender heart towards the kids in my school that lived in foster care and longed for a forever family.

When my husband and I became friends in high school, and then later started dating, I expressed to him multiple times my desire to someday have a black little boy. We obviously knew the only way that was going to happen was through adoption. As a young family, we never thought it would be something we could do because of the cost.

In April of 2005 we were expecting our 2nd child, after experiencing a miscarriage the pregnancy before him, we were so grateful we we're expecting again and due any day.

Friday morning, April 29th 2005, I woke up with some small, not to painful contractions, not really thinking anything of them. I had been to my doctor the day before, he had checked me and told me that it was a good thing he was on call that weekend because he was pretty sure he'd be seeing me. I went home trying to do what I could to make sure that his assumption became a reality.

As I went though the day that Friday, I realized by about 10:30 in the morning that I hadn't felt him moving. I am not a worrier or a rush to the doctor kind of person, so I just went about my day taking it easy and trying to feel any kid of movement. I had some family members assure me that I was over analyzing and that every baby gets calm before the storm, it was going to happen soon.

Finally when I still hadn't felt anything, my husband and I headed to the labor and delivery unit at 6:30 that evening. A nurse lead us back to a bed and tried to hook up the monitor to hear his heart beat. After trying a few different spots for a couple minutes, she left the room without saying anything. My husband and I looked at each other, Brian said "Well she didn't say anything, so it must not be bad." But I knew, I said, "It's not hard to find a full term babies heart beat, it's on one side of my stomach or the other." She then came back with an ultrasound machine and told us she was no ultrasound technician so this wasn't going to be the best. Then she began to look on the monitor, after looking for a few minutes, she again left without saying anything. She returned a few moments later saying "Your doctor will be here in 15 minutes"

As Dr. McKernan walked through the curtain and looked at me, he said "Jessica, I am so sorry." In that moment, all my worst fears that had been rolling around in my head all day came true. I had known for most of the day I believe, but hearing my doctor utter those words, solidified it for me. My worst nightmare had just come true. My baby was gone.

I stared at the ceiling crying, and kept saying, "I can't do this again, I can't go through 9 months of pregnancy to not bring home a baby in the end." I was so mad. My sweet husband, knowing my strong desire to adopt for my entire life, offered in that moment that we look into adoption so that I wouldn't have to go through all of that again, and the possibility of reliving this nightmare.

On April 30 2005 in the early morning hours, our greatest blessing and hardest trial was born. He weighed a perfect 6lbs 2oz and was 19.5in. He was perfect.

In the coming days we'd have to make some tough decisions that I didn't ever think we'd have to make in our lifetime. Where should we bury him? When should we do it? What kind of program did we want to have? All things, young parents should never have to face, but sadly it happens far to often. We were so very grateful for the knowledge we had of the Plan of Salvation that we knew, Families Can Be Together Forever, because of Him and His wonderful plan for us. We buried our little boy, surround by close friends and family knowing it wouldn't be the last time we'd see each other. It wasn't "goodbye" it was "see you later".

The days and weeks following Broc's passing, Brian and I debated whether we wanted to seek adoption at that point or whether we wanted to try again to get pregnant. After a lot of prayer we decided to grow our family naturally, and come back to adoption if given the opportunity to do so. I knew Broc would help us find the little boy I've always desired to have join our family when the timing was right.